Friendship Matters
by Glass Castle
Summary: well this kinda a sequel to Insecurity. its about the friendship between Irvine and Squall, and also about Irvine and Selphie later on.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Squaresoft and whoever else has legal claim own FF8 and its characters. This story was written for entertainment only and I gain no profit from it.  
  
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Selphie walks into the Cafeteria, searching for all her friends. She is wearing her short yellow dress that she loves. She stops in the entrance to the Cafeteria and looks round, scanning the room for her friends. Namely Quistis, Rinoa, Zell, Squall and of course Irvine. She is currently going out with Irvine and any excuse to be with him, is perfect for her. She spots Quistis, Zell, and Rinoa seated at a table in the corner and walks over to them.  
  
'Strange I wonder where Squall and Irvine are. Oh Zell, how can you eat those hot dogs? They really are disgusting. Oh well I guess I'll join them, Irvine and Squall have to appear at some point in time. They can't hide forever, especially after Squall relaxed the rules about the guys and girls sides in the SeeD quarters.' Selphie grins to herself at this thought.  
  
"Hey Selphie" says Quistis.  
  
"Hey Selph" says Rinoa.  
  
Zell just raises one hand in the form of a greeting. He is too busy eating to actually talk!  
  
"Hey guys."  
  
"How are you Selphie?" asks Quistis.  
  
"I'm fine thanks, yourself?"  
  
"Not bad, kept busy by the Junior Class men, but other than that great."  
  
"Rinoa?"  
  
"Yeah I'm good thanks Selphie."  
  
"Zell?"  
  
"mphm phwe grmhp."  
  
"O...k can anyone translate that?" asks Selphie laughingly.  
  
"I think he means he is fine Selph." Answers Rinoa while giggling. "Is that what you meant Zell?"  
  
Zell nods furiously. Still too busy eating hot dogs to actually reply.  
  
"Hey have any of you seen Irvine?"  
  
"Not recently, sorry Selphie." Replies Quistis.  
  
"I haven't either Selph. Come to think about it I haven't seen Squall in a while, but I think he is working on some reports."  
  
"I haven't seen them since training this morning, sorry Selphie." Zell says, after finishing all of his hotdogs.  
  
"Well they can't hide for ever can they?" asks Selphie, a mischievous twinkle coming into her eyes.  
  
"Selphie. I know the rule about separation in the SeeD quarters has been relaxed, but that doesn't mean you can abuse it." Says Quistis.  
  
"Oh come on Quistis, we can't help but think about it now can we." Says Rinoa, obviously thinking the same sort of thing as Selphie.  
  
"Well it is ok for those of us with boyfriends. Just don't rub it in you two ok?"  
  
"Sure Quisty, but we can't help but be happy!" replies Selphie.  
  
"Well thrilling as this is, I'm gonna leave you girls to continue this girly chat without me. See you all later." Says Zell as he gets up to leave.  
  
"By Zell" the three girls chorus.  
  
"So how far have you gone then Rinoa?" Zell can just hear as he leaves the girls in a slight hurry, not willing to be privy to this information.  
  
*~*~*~*~  
  
Irvine is currently sat in Squall's dorm, elbows on his knees, head in his hands. He is sat on in the chair for Squall's desk, whereas Squall is perched on his desk looking at the floor. Irvine's hat, which has long since tumbled from his head lies discarded on the floor; no one has made an effort to pick it up. They have been sat like that, in Squall's dorm for an hour or more, neither speaking, just comfortable in each others presence.  
  
'I wonder how long we are gonna be like this for?' I mean I don't want to rush or push Irvine but.' Squall looks at his watch '. it has been over an hour. I remember all too clearly what happened last time I tried to push something with Irvine.'  
  
*Flashback*  
  
'We were in a glade in the forests by Dollet. Irvine had just told me why Rinoa had left Garden and I was too short sighted at the time to admit I was wrong. That I was the one who had forced her to leave. I tried to blame the problem on my job, tried to use it as an excuse. I was so mad I didn't listen to the warning Irvine shouted at me.'  
  
"Squall the safety, on your gunblade, it's not .."  
  
'and then I pulled the trigger absent mindedly, not expecting anything to happen and more fool me for having my gunblade pointing at Irvine. He went down immediately, I'm not sure if it was from shock, fear, or pain, but he was unconscious before his head hit the ground. I couldn't believe what I'd done. I stood there, staring at Irvine for a minute or two, watched as his life's blood flowed down his shoulder staining everything in its path. Luckily I had loaded my gunblade with shot gun ammo the day before and not pulse ammo as I normally do, or else Irvine wouldn't be here now. I acted quickly enough to save his life; but I'm still ashamed of the fact it took me about five minutes to do anything. I just stood there in disbelief.'  
  
*End Flashback*  
  
'I'm just so thankful he is sat here before me, and not buried in the ground somewhere, but I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself for the slowness of my reaction.'  
  
About an hour ago, Squall had been sat at his desk working on some reports when he heard a knock at the door. He answered it to find a sombre looking Irvine standing in front of him. He ushered Irvine in to his dorm and gave him the chair to sit on, taking the edge of the desk for himself. Irvine had immediately sat down, and lent forward with his head in his hands, his hat tumbling off and his tied back hair falling over his right shoulder. Squall hadn't know what to do, so he waited for Irvine to be ready to talk.  
  
"I'm sorry Squall." Whispers Irvine. Squall almost misses this; he is so deep in thought. He does just catch it and his head snaps from looking at the floor to looking at Irvine, his storm grey eyes pools of concern for his friend.  
  
"I shouldn't be wasting your time like this." Irvine says, again barely above a whisper. He starts to reach down for his hat, but does this slowly, almost lethargically. Squall quickly gets of the desk, and reaches for the hat, retrieving it before Irvine manages to. He is crouched on the floor next to Irvine. He holds the hat in his right hand, his right arm draped over his right knee, and he looks up at Irvine. He is shocked by two things. First off he is shocked at how close he is to Irvine; he can almost feel Irvine's breath on his face. Secondly, and more so that the first, he is shocked by the single tear that streaks down Irvine's face, form one of his violet eyes. 


	2. Chapter 2

'I wonder where Irvine is… I mean I checked his dorm earlier but he wasn't there, but I guess he could be now. It's not like he has to check in with me, but still I would like to know where he is. Nobody seems to have seen him in hours. I wonder what he's been doing. I can't check his dorm to see if Exeter is in there, that would at least tell me if he is in the training centre or not. I know he isn't in the Cafeteria as I've just left there…'  
  
Selphie is wandering round the centre of garden, looking for her love.  
  
'It seems as if he hasn't been seen since lectures ended, and now that is …' Selphie looks at the clock on the directory which is currently directly in front of her, 'three hours ago. I guess he could want some alone time, but he could tell me that if he open the door, if he is even in his dorm. I think I'll check his dorm again, just in case he has returned there. I doubt it, but I can hope. I want to see him, to be held tight by his arms…' she wraps her arms around herself as if trying to simulate Irvine hugging her… 'I want to feel him holding me, to feel his arms round me, holding me close to him, to hear his heart beating next to my ear, to nearly feel it beating against my cheek…'  
  
'Ooooh I love him so much. And I want to see him, Irvine, where are you?'  
  
Selphie continues to wander in the general direction of the dorms, lost in thought, hoping to find Irvine in his dorm, ready to welcome her.  
  
*~*~*~*~  
  
In Squall's dorm, Squall remains on the floor looking up at Irvine, eyes full of concern for Irvine, and also pain because he doesn't know what is wrong with his best friend.  
  
'I don't know what to say, what to do. I don't know how to relate to people, what to do in situations like this, and what to say. Irvine is my best friend, my closest friends, he has been since we were children, yet I don't know how to help him. Irvine, what could possibly be wrong, I mean you are normally so cheerful, so happy, what's happened to change this, to remove that smile from your face?'  
  
"Irvine…" Squall says in a low voice. 'My voice sounds so weird, so lifeless, almost choked, but I have to try, for Irvine I have to try, I owe him that much…' "Irvine… please… what's happened? … You know I'm not good at talking, so please just tell me what is wrong, I can't help you if I don't know, and even then I may not be able to help, but I want to, no I need to know."   
  
'That's the best I can do. I don't know how to voice my thoughts, but that sounds ok to me. I just hope he listens…'  
  
*~*~*~*~  
  
Selphie arrives at Irvine's dorm and presses the door chime.  
  
'Come on Irvine, be in there, I want to see you so badly and it appears as if you have disappeared from Garden at the moment. I want to see you, want you to hold me in your warm embrace, to protect me from everything…'  
  
There is no response from Irvine's dorm and after a few minutes Selphie turns away from his dorm and heads for her own, hugging herself, and looking at the floor, her feet almost trailing behind her…  
  
*~*~*~*~  
  
Irvine doesn't say anything, but another tear appears from his other eye, leaving a glistening trail down his face as it heads for the ground, travelling as fast as it can down Irvine's face.  
  
Squall, sensing that Irvine isn't ready to talk yet, stands up taking Irvine's hand in his own. Irvine looks up at Squall through slightly tear stained eyes, slightly bemused at this level of intimacy Squall is showing him. Squall gently pulls on Irvine's hand, trying to coax him into a standing position, which Irvine does, but slowly, wearily.  
  
'Irvine, you seem to lack any energy, why? What's going on, what's happened, what have I not noticed?'  
  
Squall gently leads Irvine into the segregated part of his dorm, where his bed is, depositing Irvine's hat on his desk as they slowly walk past.  
  
Upon arriving at his bed Squall puts his arms around Irvine, pulling him into a tight hug, and they sit down on Squall's bed.  
  
'I don't know what to say, I only hope this is enough. This is what Rinoa does when her friends are upset, I just hope it helps. Although this is a rather different experience for me; Rinoa is so much different to hug, smaller and softer. This is different. Irvine is taller than me, and he has more muscle than Rinoa. As I said different, but not altogether unwelcome…'  
  
Irvine, surprised by Squall's openness, hesitantly puts his arms round Squall's waist returning the hug, and, letting himself go, he collapses into tears, head on Squall's shoulder. Upon feeling his top grow wet, Squall hugs Irvine closer to himself, trying to eliminate any discomfort Irvine maybe feeling as he normally doesn't act like this.  
  
'What in Hyne's name can be effecting him so much that he is reduced to tears? What could have happened that has upset him this deeply? I want to know, but I can't push him into telling me. If he wants someone to talk to then I'm here for him, if he doesn't then I respect that wish.'  
  
Irvine's sobs wrack both his and Squall's body. He is obviously trying to stop himself from crying, trying to calm down by swallowing his sobs, but this only succeeds in making his sobs becoming more powerful, and he makes himself cry harder.  
  
Squall sits patiently with Irvine, hugging him, and gently rocking Irvine in an attempt to help him clam down. Squall also tentatively begins to rub Irvine's back and hair, and upon feeling Irvine relax into the simple gesture, he rubs Irvine's back more assertively.  
  
'Irvine… Irvine, what's happened? Please tell me, I want to help you, the way you so kindly helped me. You did everything in your power to help me, now I want to repay the favour, I want to help you. But how can I if you won't talk to me, tell me that is up? I think I may need some help on this front, I don't know what to do, what to say, but I don't want to betray Irvine's trust…'  
  
He begins to speak in a low voice to Irvine, so as not to alarm him, "Irvine… please, listen to me. You don't need to move, just listen to what I have to say please. I… I really want to help you. But at the moment I don't know how. Please tell me what's happened. What's made you so upset? You don't need to tell me now; I'll always make time for you, no matter how busy I may be. Just please… don't keep me in the dark."  
  
'Wow, it feels as if that brought on fresh anguish. It almost feels as if his sobs now are more powerful than before. I'm sorry Irvine, but I don't know what else I can do. I never meant to upset you with what I just said. I don't know what to do other than be here for him when he is ready to talk. I guess that is all I can do right now.'  
  
Squall continues to hold Irvine for what feels like an age to him. Slowly Irvine's sobs become weaker and weaker and Squall can feel Irvine's breathing relax into a calmer state than it was in. His grip on Squall also slightly weakens, relaxes, making it feel less desperate.  
  
"Irvine… Irvine, are you … ok now?" Squall asks quietly. He gets no response to this from Irvine, so he gently disentangles himself from Irvine's grasp, which has been weakening more and more, and discovers that Irvine has fallen asleep from exhaustion.  
  
'Well I can't move him now and in some ways I am glad I can't. I want to keep an eye on him. I'm worried, something is deeply troubling him, and I want to know what it is.'  
  
Squall gently removes Irvine's boots then gently lifts Irvine's legs, placing them on his bed so that Irvine is lying on it. Squall Quickly grabs the spare blanket he has and throws it over Irvine. Squall grabs his pillows and pulls them slightly down to bed, lifting Irvine's head carefully; he places the pillows under Irvine's head. After this Squall carefully disentangles Irvine's hair from the elastic band he has used to tie it back, and runs his fingers through Irvine's silky hair, carefully removing any knots in it. Finally satisfied that he can't make Irvine any more comfortable, he quietly pads out the room, turning out the light and closing the door, leaving Irvine to sleep.  
  
Squall makes himself a meal as he hasn't eaten since lunch and it is now 11pm. He is about to sit down and eat it when his door chime goes.  
  
'Hyne why did I ever chose to have that so loud? I guess it was so that if I were in the sleeping area with the door closed I would hear it. I just hope it hasn't disturbed Irvine. I think he needs some sleep right now. I'll just check he wasn't disturbed by it.'  
  
Squall quickly walks to the door of the sleeping area, and upon hearing no sounds of Irvine moving around he goes to his door and opens it.  
  
Selphie is stood there, hands behind her back looking up at him, with slightly red rimmed eyes.  
  
"Squall, have you seen Irvine at all today?"  
"You'd probably be better off asking Quistis, Zell, or Rinoa about that, they are more likely to see him than me, being fellow instructors." 'I can't have someone else crying on my shoulder, one is definitely enough for one day.'  
"I have asked them and it would seem that no one has seen him since lectures today. It is almost as if he has disappeared. And I can't access his door lock records to see if he returned there and is still there. Could you do that for me please Squall? I know you can."  
"I'm sorry Selphie but there have to be good reasons to do that, I can't just go round checking any ones door logs. There have to be extenuating circumstances, and I don't think it has got to that yet."  
"But Squall, he could be…"  
"I think you'll probably find that he is fine. I think he is somewhere that he feels comfortable, and safe."  
"Oh o…k."  
"Can you do something for me Selphie?"  
"I guess…" 

"Go see Rinoa, she is a good friend to you, and also can you tell her that I'm sorry I haven't been about but I have a mountain of reports to get through and I'm not even halfway through them, thank you so much Selphie." 'I can't hug her it would seem too out of character; I hope Rinoa doesn't mind me sending Selphie to see her.'  
"O…k. Rinoa normally has ice cream doesn't she…?"  
"Yeah Selphie, she does."  
"Sorry for disturbing you Squall."  
  
Squall doesn't say anything only nods in response. 'I'm sorry I can't tell you the truth Selphie, but I don't think Irvine would appreciate it, not yet, anyway.'  
  
Squall lets his door slide shut after Selphie has left and sets about making the sofa into as comfortable bad as he can, he finishes his meal, and lies down on the sofa, thinking.  
  
'Please Hyne, let me help Irvine. I can't bear to see him so upset, yet I can't think what could be upsetting him so much. I mean he managed to cry for nearly two hours, and I'm worried about him and what could possibly be wrong…'


	3. Chapter 3

Irvine's eyes slowly open as he wakes up in Squall's dorm.  
  
'Mmmm I feel so relaxed, so rested…'  
  
He stretches out fully on Squall's bed, pulling on all his muscles in a satisfyingly painful manner. He then sits up to take stock of his current surroundings.  
  
'This doesn't look like my dorm…… Hang on, I don't remember going to my dorm last night. I don't remember going to sleep even. Let's think about this rationally Kinneas. I was in Squall's dorm… we were talking, just sitting … I was about to go… but Squall got to my hat before I could and …… Oh Hyne, I ended up sat on his bed… this bed in fact … crying on his shoulder. I don't remember leaving his dorm… so I'm still in it. I … I must have fallen asleep after crying so much. And I guess Squall removed my boots and made me comfortable on his bed… He even let my hair down; I guess he remembers that I can't stand sleeping with it tied back.'  
  
'Hang on if I'm in his bed, then where did Squall sleep?'  
  
Irvine gets out of bed, but doesn't put on his boots as he knows if he wears them he will wake Squall if he is asleep. Irvine walks to the door that he came make out in the dim light of the morning, and quietly opens it, peering into the darkened room ahead of him. Squall is lying on his back on the sofa, but Irvine can't determine if he is awake or asleep. Therefore Irvine walks into the room, towards Squall, freezing when Squall suddenly shifts on the sofa, onto his side. Squall's hair slowly falls down obscuring his face. After a few minutes Irvine continues his journey towards Squall.  
  
'I'm now pretty sure Squall is asleep, but I want to check… 'I want to check' how stupid does that sound Irvine. Sometimes I can want to so the most stupid things, but I want to be near him, to thank him for letting me be, well, how I was last night, even though he is asleep.'  
  
He arrives next to the sofa and looks down at Squall. Sure he is asleep, Irvine crouches down next to the sofa, and carefully he brushes the hair that has fallen over Squall's face out of the way.  
  
'Asleep, Squall looks so peaceful, as if he has no worries other than the normal ones that guys our age would have. Yet when awake he acts so much older, and somehow he looks older too. I admit we've seen worse stuff than most people see in a life time… but he is missing out on what will probably be the best years of his life.'  
  
'Thanks, Squall, for last night. I meant to leave before you saw me like that. To be alone as I always am when I get to this. But I didn't quite manage it. Oh and I remember what you said to me. It was really kind of you to say that, and I really appreciate it, and may take you up on that offer, just not yet.'  
  
Irvine carefully leans over Squall and whispers "Thank you" in his ear before retreating to the bedroom to retrieve his things and leaving.  
  
*~*~*~*~  
  
Once Squall hears the door shut again he opens his eyes and stretches out his rather muscles which are rather cramped after spending a night on the sofa. He'd awoken when Irvine first touched his hair as he is a light sleeper, but to save any embarrassment, Irvine's or his, he pretended to be asleep, waiting for Irvine to retreat.  
  
After stretching out completely, he sits on the sofa deep in thought about the night before and the events that transpired.  
  
'Irvine just whispered into my ear 'Thank you' you me. Thank you for what? I didn't do anything really; I just sat there with him. I didn't know what to say, what to do, as usual. Didn't know how to help. I want to talk to someone about it, yet I don't want to betray Irvine's trust again. I've done that once already and don't want to do it again. Also I wouldn't really know how to talk to someone about it. I couldn't explain what I wanted to say so I'm going to have to work this through in my own way, and try to help him that way.'  
  
At this point Irvine re enters the room trying to walk quietly while holding his boots and his hat. In the half light he doesn't notice Squall sat on the sofa.  
  
"Morning Irvine." At the sound of Squall's voice Irvine drops his boots, which clatter noisily to the ground, and his hat. He spins round to face Squall, surprise written clearly across his face. Squall gets up and opens the curtains, bathing the room in bright sunshine, making them both blink for several minutes as their eyes get used to the brightness.  
  
"How long you been awake? I didn't mean to wake you."  
"Not long, don't worry about it Irvine."  
"Thanks for last night, I meant to leave before it got to … well you know."  
"Irvine, come sit down please," says Squall as he moves the blanket out of the way that he was using. "Please Irvine?"  
  
Irvine hesitates for a few minutes, and then moves over to sit next to Squall, leaving his boots where they fell. He sits down, eyes avoiding Squall's which are looking directly at him.  
  
"Irvine, are you … ready to talk about what's upset you?"  
"Squall, I want to make this clear to you before I start; I … I trust you more than anyone else I know. The time we have spent together after the problem you had with Rinoa has helped me understand you more. And I trust you, even after you… you…" Irvine can't seem to admit Squall shot him, yet he unconsciously rubs his right shoulder where he was shot. Squall looks away and blushes at this.  
  
'I still feel really bad that I shot him, I never meant to, it was an accident…'  
  
Irvine looks up to see Squall looking very uncomfortable and says, "Oh Hyne, I'm so sorry Squall, I didn't mean to dredge it up again. I've forgiven you for it. I trust you more now than I did before you… you shot me. I've seen you at your most vulnerable now. And I'm glad you trust me enough to show it to me. Last night, if it had been anyone else, I would have snatched up my hat, jammed it low over my head, and left without a word, before I got to tears. I sort of intended to, but I trust you not to tell people and to care. And I no longer wanted to be alone. You may not know what to say, yet that doesn't matter to me, I just didn't want to be alone. I know I could have gone to see Selphie since you relaxed the rules about SeeD quarters, but I came to you instead. I would have felt awkward with Selphie, I trust her, but I almost trust you more. I felt comfortable here. you didn't push me to talk, didn't push me to be different. And for that I thank you Squall."  
  
Squall finally looks round to meet Irvine's gaze, and upon seeing nothing but honesty in Irvine's violet eyes, relaxes a little nest to Irvine.  
  
"So are you ready to talk to me?" asks Squall almost tentatively.  
"Not yet Squall, I'm sorry, but I can't talk about it yet."  
"Irvine… it's not the first time this has happened is it?"  
"Well, it's the first time I've ended up crying on your shoulder Squall."  
"No Irvine, you know what I mean."  
"No … it's not the first time."  
"How long Irvine?"  
"Every night."  
"Irvine, don't avoid the question, I asked how long not how often."  
  
Irvine looks away, unable to meet Squall's gaze. He whispers "a few months."  
"a … few … months…?" repeats Squall. 'This has been going on for a few months and I haven't noticed? How is that possible… and why didn't he come and see me sooner? Am I really that wrapped up in work and with Rinoa that I didn't notice…? And every night?'  
  
"Irvine… why didn't you come and see me sooner?" Squall asks in a low voice.  
"I couldn't… I couldn't admit to myself that I was crying each night, let alone let someone else see this."  
"Every night?"  
"…Nearly"  
"Alone?"  
"Except for last night, yes."  
"Irvine, from now on, come and see me, please. Don't remain alone. I want to help, and it's not an inconvenience."  
"Thank you Squall, that means a lot."  
  
They sit for a few minutes in silence, each thinking their own thoughts.  
  
'I've done all I can think of, and said all I can think of saying. I don't know what else to do other than offer to help the only way I know how to. To just be there and let him get things off his chest.'  
  
"Hey Squall. Shouldn't we be elsewhere? I mean you doing… whatever it is you commandery types do all day and me teaching?"  
"I rang Quistis earlier. She's covering for me and someone will cover your classes, you want so breakfast?"  
"Squall sometimes you are too thoughtful. Breakfast would be great, thank you."  
  
Squall doesn't say anything, just busies himself with making breakfast in his kitchenette.  
  
*~*~*~*~  
  
'I want to tell Squall what's wrong, I really do, but I can't, not yet. I should have come to him sooner, but I was afraid he'd reject me. Silly really when I knew he wouldn't, knew he would help me. I really should have come to him sooner; I think I may have helped me if I had. I wish I could tell him what's wrong, but right now I don't feel ready. When I do he will be the first to know.'  
  
'So… now I've got the whole day to ahead of me in which to do what I please. I think that a trip to the Training Centre is in order. It is quite during the day as everyone is in classes. I haven't really had a chance to train recently in quiet times, normally when I train I have a cadet running up to me every five minutes or so. It will be nice to have some quite training for once!'  
  
At this point Squall walks over with a tray full of toast, croissants, pain au chocolat, and all manner of spreads and jams, placing the tray on the table. He then returns to the kitchenette to get the fruit juices and places that tray next to the breads.  
  
"Help yourself," he says as he sits down and prepares to take a plate to start eating with.  
  
They eat their breakfasts in silence.  
  
Once finished, Irvine helps Squall tidy everything away into the kitchenette. Irvine grabs his boots and hat and puts them on before leaving.  
  
"Thanks for everything Squall. I'm off to the Training Centre for some serious Grat bashing. Cafeteria for lunch?"  
"Sure thing, see you later."  
  
'I've just got to stop off for Exeter, no point in changing my clothes; I'm going training after all. Well look out Grats, Irvine's gonna come and play! Not that they are much of a challenge, but more a stress relief…"


	4. Chapter 4

Squall, Rinoa and Zell are sat in the Cafeteria eating lunch. Rinoa and Zell are discussing going into Balamb that afternoon. Squall is slightly preoccupied by his thoughts but throws in comments every now and again.  
  
'I wonder where Irvine's got to. It was him that suggested meeting for lunch here, so why hasn't he shown? I mean it's not that I'm worrying too much, but I am slightly. The image of him last night, weak, vulnerable, and pleading for help with his eyes, just won't leave me. It's not like him not to show, late possibly, but to not appear at all…'  
  
Squall glances at his watch for the ninth time in three minutes and scowls at it.  
  
"Are you expecting someone Squall?" asks Rinoa.  
"Hmm? What?" Squall replies, drawn away from his thoughts by the mention of his name.  
"Well you keep glancing at your watch and scowling, so I was wondering if you were expecting someone."  
"Well yeah, Irvine."  
  
Selphie walks over at this moment and sits down with them.  
  
"Have any of you seen Irvine? I've checked his dorms so many times, yet he never seems to be there, and it seems as if no one has seen him all day or yesterday for that matter."  
"Squall was just saying he was expecting Irvine yet he hasn't appeared," says Zell.  
"You've seen him Squall? When?"  
"I saw him first thing this morning; you say he's not in his dorm? I think I'll go take a quick look for him," says Squall as he gets up to leave.  
"You will, thanks Squall. You probably know where he is better than I do after that time you spent bonding with him," says Selphie.  
"You want any help?" asks Zell.  
"No I'm fine thanks Zell. I should be back soon."  
  
He bends down and gives Rinoa a quick kiss on the cheek, then he exits the Cafeteria heading for the dorms.  
  
'I'm gonna have to go to the dorms, no matter what, I haven't got Lionheart with me. I'll quickly check Irvine's dorm, even if there is no response I can still get in. sometimes being commander has it's bonuses. I can override anyone's door code, in an emergency, or as long as I have good justification. And right now I think I have. I need to check that Irvine is ok, as I know that something is wrong, I just don't know what it is yet. There aren't many things that can reduce him to tears, and I think it is serious if he has been.'  
  
'Now where is Irvine's dorm? I know it is near mine, but I can't remember if it is before or after mine. Damn, I should have asked Selphie where it is, she knows where it is. Mind you that may have aroused her suspicions. It is probably better I didn't. Well I guess I'll have to access the dorms floor plan to find out where it is.'  
  
He arrives at his dorm, and quickly punches in his access code and walks into his dorm, switching on his laptop as he walks past on his way to getting Lionheart. He attaches the sheath for Lionheart to one of his many belts, and returns to his laptop which by this time has booted up. He doesn't bother to sit down, just leans over his desk so that he can see the screen properly. He quickly searches through the files until he finds the floor plan of the SeeD dorms.  
  
'Ahh there is his dorm, right it was before mine. Well time to go see if he's there. Just need some pulse ammo in case I do have to go into the training centre, and I'm ready to go.'  
  
He carefully opens the bottom draw of his desk and gets out six pulse ammo. Getting Lionheart out of its sheath he leads them into the barrel of his gunblade. He also picks up a few shot gun ammo, and puts them into trouser pocket. He throws his coat onto the back of the chair and leaves his dorm, closing the laptop so that it shuts itself down.  
  
'Right Irvine, it would be simple if you were in your dorm. But something tells me that you aren't going to be there. Please just be there.'  
  
He arrives in front of Irvine's dorm and knocks on the door.  
  
"Irvine you in there?" calls Squall. No answer comes and after a few minutes he calls "Irvine, I'm coming in ok?" He still gets no response so he types in the override code and the door sweeps open to reveal Irvine's dorm.  
  
'Damn this doesn't look good. He isn't here. I just hope he isn't in trouble. Mind you there isn't anything in the training centre that would prove troublesome for us after Ultimecia. I'm just going to check for Exeter. If that isn't here, then he must still be in the Training Centre. Right Exeter is normally kept under his bed, so…'  
  
Squall quickly crosses the room to Irvine's bed, and reaches under it for Exeter's Case. He finds it and pulls it out onto the bed, opening the case he discovers where Irvine may be.  
  
'Damn not here, right Training Centre it is. I just hope nothing bad has happened to him.'  
  
He leaves Irvine's dorm and jogs to the Training Centre. Upon arriving he draws Lionheart and enters the first area.  
  
'Strange, it seems unnaturally quiet in here today. I wonder where all the monsters are. It is unusual for it to be this quiet.'  
  
Squall continues through the Training Centre but still finds no monsters, and also and almost worryingly so, no trace of Irvine.  
  
'This really does feel wrong. I should have encountered something by now. It feels to quiet in here. And it almost feels uncomfortable. I hope I find Irvine soon, there is something that doesn't feel right about here today.'  
  
As he approaches the save point, near the secret area, he starts to hear the high pitched hum of insect wings.  
  
'At last a monster; sounds like a Granaldo. They're pretty rare, and almost a challenge.'   
  
He smiles to himself as he walks round the last bit of foliage, only his expression falls when he has a clear view of the glade with the save point in it.  
  
His gaze falls upon a patch of tan, purple, and auburn on the ground, lying motionless. This is all too noticeable against the green grass. The trade mark black cowboy hat is a few feet away from the motionless body. Bearing down on Irvine is a rather large Granaldo. It hasn't noticed Squall yet; it is too intent on the unconscious form of Irvine which will provide an easy meal for it. No resistance, no energy wasted.  
  
'_Oh my Hyne_, Irvine, what happened? Nothing here should be able to injure you seriously, let alone knock you out. Never mind that now though, I have to get that Granaldo away from Irvine. I can't just shoot it, Gunblades aren't as accurate as guns, and it is too close to Irvine. I don't want to shoot him again. I guess there is only one thing left to do…'  
  
Squall quickly opens the barrel of his gunblade, removes one pulse ammo, and replaces it with a shot gun bullet he has pulled out of his pocket. He closes the barrel and holds his gunblade so that it is pointing directly upwards, and fires.  
  
The Granaldo quickly turns to face this new threat, and upon seeing Squall, it flies at him. Squall replaces the spent ammo case with the pulse ammo that he took out, then stands facing the Granaldo, gunblade at the ready.  
  
'Come on then, I'm ready for this.'  
  
Squall ducks at the last moment, just as the Granaldo was about to scratch his face and attacks the monsters wings, knowing that once it is on the ground, it will pretty much be helpless, and will be far easier to attack. He manages to cut through two of the wings before the Granaldo recovers, spin round, and catching Squall off guard; it rakes one of its sharp claws down Squall's arm. Squall grunts in pain and also he stumbles slightly, and reconsiders his course of action. Due to the fact two of its wings are gone, the Granaldo is flying lower but isn't on the ground yet.   
  
'Ok sod the wings, lets just kill this thing.'  
  
Ignoring the pain in his arm, Squall raises his gunblade and attacks the beast from the right side, slicing through the beast's side. The Granaldo shrieks in pain, but can't get away from the gunblade that is digging in its right side and slowly slicing through it. Squall wrestles the Granaldo onto the ground and continues to slice through it. The monster is writing on the ground but is unable to do anything. Just as his gunblade reaches the centre of the monster, Squall pulls the trigger on Lionheart. The pulse ammo goes deep inside the beast, before it explodes and devastates the monsters insides. The monster falls silent, and Squall removes Lionheart from it and quickly wipes it down, before sheathing it and running over to Irvine.  
  
'What happened Irvine? Are you alright? Or are you hurt? Are you asleep? Is this the result of a battle or what? I can't see any obvious injuries… but what if something I can't see is wrong? Can't I risk moving him?'  
  
Squall gently inspects what he can see of Irvine for injuries and upon seeing none he checks Irvine's neck for a pulse.  
  
'Come on Irvine, you can't be dead, can you? No I can feel your pulse, possibly a little weak, but definitely there.'  
  
Squall next turns Irvine over so that he can check that Irvine is in fact breathing. Reassured by the steady rise and fall of Irvine's chest, Squall contemplates what to do next.  
  
'Irvine, what could have happened? I can't see any injuries yet you aren't just asleep so what is it? I don't understand this… and something tells me we are no longer alone. I knew that gunshot wouldn't go unnoticed here for long. Damnit. I guess the best thing is to get you into the Save Point, where you'll be safe, while I dispose of our… guests.'  
  
'I've done this before, I can do it again. I mean you can't have put on too much weight can you Irvine?'  
  
Squall quickly and carefully lifts Irvine and heads as quickly as he can towards the Save Point.  
  
'Ungh, put on a little weight, but not so much that I can't carry him. Just got to get him into the blue aura of the save point, monsters can't enter that so the can't harm you there. And then I get to have my fun.'  
  
Squall places Irvine carefully in the Save Point Aura before quickly grabbing Exeter and Irvine's hat from near the Save Point. He places the two items next to Irvine, and the turns to see what he is up against.  
  
Even through the blue shimmering haze caused by the Save Points Aura, Squall can tell that he has problems.  
  
'Ahh I wasn't quite banking on this. I can definitely make out two T-Rexaurs, three Buels, two more Granaldos and five Raldos, a lot of Grats and, Oh Hyne, a Tri-Face. What's that doing here? I guess it must have gotten in here when we opened up the MD level. There can't be that many of them though, as I haven't received any complaints about them. They are rather strong. I can't take on all of these by myself; there are ten strong monsters as it is, not forgetting the Buels, and Grats. Well there is only one course of action I can think of.  
  
~ Shiva, come to me. ~  
  
~ Commander. ~  
  
~ I need you to take out these monsters for me. ~  
  
~ As you wish commander. I can't appear here commander. ~  
  
~ I know, I will take it to the brink of summoning, and then will step out of the Save Point's Aura. ~  
  
~ That will work commander; concentrate please. ~  
  
Squall lapses into the familiar state of mind he has always used for summoning. Only this time it is a longer, harder, slower process. He is slightly out of practice due to the fact he hasn't summoned since beating Ultimecia, but he perseveres, not willing to give up as his only other alternative it to fight the monsters hand to hand.  
  
Just as he feels Shiva is ready he steps outside the protective aura of the save point and Shiva appears. Upon her appearance the area around the Save Point become very cold due to her presence. The monsters all let out a mighty roar and move for her. Squall watches as she calmly throws very powerful ice magic at them, freezing them all before she disappears. When she disappears everything heats up again quickly causing the monsters to shatter due to the sudden rise in temperature and thermal expansion.  
  
'Brilliant, now I can leave without problems. All the monsters in the vicinity are now either dead, or will have felt the effects of that and won't come near here for a good few hours. Right now to get Irvine out of here.'  
  
Squall turns back to Irvine, first of all he jams Exeter behind one of his belts, then he picks up Irvine gently, the cow boy hat in Irvine's lap. He alters Irvine's position in his arms so that he can feel Irvine breathing against his skin so that he can monitor it. He then sets off for his dorm, knowing that Irvine hates the Infirmary.  
  
'Hmmm, Déjà vu. Reminds me of when I … when I … I shot Irvine. Wow… I can finally admit what I did.'  
  
He unconsciously hugs Irvine closer to himself.  
  
'Hyne, forbid anything happen to him. I know he hasn't always been one of the most … well all I can say is that he's known a lot of women, but he is dedicated to Selphie. He loves her so much I can't let anything come between them. Irvine, you're gonna have to talk to me, tell me what's wrong. I need to get you and Selphie to talk. But I want to know first.'


	5. Chapter 5

Squall arrives at his dorm and after punching in his key code he gets Irvine onto his bed. Irvine ends up on his back and Squall makes sure that he is comfortable by placing Irvine's head on his pillows. He sits in the chair for his desk which he pulls next to the bed.  
  
'Irvine what's wrong? Why won't you wake up? Hmm… I wonder…'  
  
~ Cura. ~  
  
Irvine is bathed in a white light which lasts for a few seconds before it disappears and Squall finds himself on the floor.  
  
'Hn, not injured then. Well there is only one other magic I can try…' he thinks as he picks himself up from the floor and sits on the chair again.  
  
~ Esuna. ~  
  
Irvine is again bathed in a bright light, this time pink in color, which again only lasts a matter of seconds before disappearing and Squall finds himself on the floor again.  
  
'No status effects either then. I hate it when spells are rejected. There is something within Irvine rejecting my spells. Some part of him is conscious enough to realise what is going on. And he obviously doesn't want it.'  
  
'I could try using Scan, but I think that will either also be rejected, or it won't show up what I want to know.'  
  
'I guess the only other thing I can really do is get Dr. Kadowaki. I know Irvine doesn't like her but I don't know what else to do. I've tried magic, granted I'm not the strongest of magic users, but I'm better than I was, and if they are rejected there is no point in wasting more. The only problem is that I don't really want to leave Irvine on his own; but not even I have a way of getting Dr. Kadowaki here without actually going to the Infirmary.'  
  
Squall reluctantly gets up from the chair he had been sitting in and starts to head for the door that leads to the other part of his room. Just as he reaches the doorway he hears Irvine groan and looks over to see him moving restlessly as someone who is just waking up. Squall walks back to the bed and sits and waits for Irvine to regain complete consciousness before he starts talking to him.  
  
*~*~*~*~  
  
Irvine blinks. And then as he sits up turns so that his feet end up on the floor. Instead of sitting up straight though he ends up pitching forward into Squall's arms. He raises on hand to his hair and pulls the band out. He then puts the hand on the side of his head and says,  
  
"Ooo that doesn't feel so good."  
"Careful, you've only just woken up, don't push yourself. I'm not sure how long you've been unconscious for."  
"What happened?"  
"I hoped you could tell me that."  
"What time is it?"  
"It is about 2pm."  
"2 pm," groans Irvine, "I reached the Save Point at 10.30 this morning. That means I've lost three and a half hours."  
"Irvine, you have to tell me what's been happening. I can't help you if you won't talk to me."  
"Last I remember is killing Grats in the Training Centre. Where did you find me?"  
"I found you by the Save Point in the Training Centre unconscious, with a huge Granaldo considering eating you."  
Irvine groans again, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cause you any trouble…"  
  
He gets up from the bed and starts to walk past Squall, who grabs hold of Irvine's arm preventing him from leaving the room. Irvine looks down at Squall who is still sat in the chair looking straight ahead. Irvine's confusion is clear.  
  
"You're not going anywhere until you tell me what is wrong. Why you've been crying, and why I found you unconscious near the Save Point in the Training Centre, Exeter a few feet away from you."  
  
Squall finally looks up at Irvine, sees the fear in his eyes, but refuses to let him leave before so questions are answered.  
  
"I'm sorry Irvine, but I need some help in understanding your fear. You need to help me, to let me in so I can help you."  
  
Irvine continues standing for a few minutes, looking as if he is fighting an inner battle with himself. After a few minutes though he sits back on the bed. Unable to meet Squall's eyes though he sits, elbows on his knees and his hands round his face so that his hair is held back out of his eyes.  
  
'I'm sorry I'm pushing you so hard Irvine, but I think you need to talk about this, to get some help and this is the only way I know how.'  
  
Irvine starts talking in a low voice so that Squall has to lean forwards so that he can hear him clearly. "It started about six months ago. I found that I couldn't remember what happened in a certain 10 or 20 minutes. They weren't often these gaps; just I noticed one every few weeks. I put it down to GFs. Impossible I know, we haven't used GFs since the Second Sorceress War, but I guess I didn't want to face up to the fact that I had a problem. Have a problem. Well over the next four months I noticed more and more of these gaps, and that they were getting longer and longer. This started to worry and scare me, I mean large gaps in your memory of one to two hours, it is a scary prospect. Today's one is the longest one so far. Normally they last between two and three hours at the moment. Luckily for me they had always happened when I was alone in my dorm, and not to often, two or three a week. This made me think that there was something about my dorm, but today in the Training Centre proved that wrong. I thought someone might have been releasing something into me dorm, but if the put it into the Training Centre why didn't it affect you?"  
  
"It is one of the scariest things that has ever happened to me. Normally every night I end up huddled up in my dorm, crying for fear of what is going on and when will it happen again."  
  
A single tear streaks down Irvine's face, but Squall doesn't notice it as Irvine is looking downwards. They sit in silence for a few minutes.  
  
'That doesn't sound scary to me, but I guess hearing about it and actually experiencing it are two different things. I'm sorry Irvine, sorry I haven't been here for you, but you haven't exactly made it easy as you have hidden yourself away for the last six months…'  
  
'Hang on… six months … that would be about the time that I …'  
  
"Irvine, you said it started six months ago, right?"  
"Yeah… why?" Irvine says as he looks up at Squall.  
"Before or after I … shot you?"  
"… After."  
"Do you think it could be down to what I did?"  
"I don't' know Squall… I guess it could be …"  
"You've got to come and see Dr. Kadowaki with me. She'll know what to do…"  
  
Irvine shakes his head violently, "_No_. I _won't_ see her. She and what she represents scares me."  
  
Squall sighs, "Well at least go and see Selphie. She is worried about you. I better than anyone know how badly you were hit by the resurfacing memories after we used the GFs, but she knows that it hurt you. And she wants to help. She's been checking on your dorm regularly and she came here last night, after you fell asleep. Her eyes looked kinda red rimmed. I sent her to Rinoa."  
"She came here?!? Oh Hyne, I have rather been avoiding her, in case, well, it happened in front of her. Plus I don't know what to say to her. I guess I've just been feeling a little uncomfortable with the amount of my memories she's seen resurface."  
"Go to her. I'm sure she'd appreciate it."  
"I guess," says Irvine as he gets up. He ties his hair back again with the band he has been holding since he took it down. He ties it back in the familiar loose pony tail and places his hat on his head, and leaves Squall's dorm on his search for Selphie.  
  
'I guess I should really follow my own advice. I haven't been spending much time with Rinoa lately. But these reports really need doing. Oh Hyne, life is too short to be worrying about reports. They can wait; I want to spend time with Rinoa.'  
  
He shuffles the reports to one side of his desk, then leaves his dorm, heading for Rinoa's.  
  
*~*~*~*~  
  
Irvine is walking slowly towards the girls half of the SeeD dorms and Selphie's dorm. His footsteps are echoing down the empty corridors.  
  
'I don't know if I should tell Selphie or not. She is normally so happy all the time, and I don't want to be the one to upset her. I want to share all the good stuff with her, make her happy, not the bad stuff. And if I am dying… I don't want our time to be overshadowed by the knowledge I won't have long left with her. I don't want to upset her, to make her cry.'  
  
He arrives at Selphie's door, but is unsure of what to do. Whether to knock on her door and face her, or to try and leave and talk to her some other time.  
  
'I didn't tell even Squall the whole truth. Yeah I've been blacking out, but the real reason I've been crying … I can't reveal to yet, not to Squall, not to anyone. I don't know if I can tell Selphie. I want to, but I don't want to burden her further. She has already seen most of the memories resurfacing after we stopped using GFs as I was nearly always with her. And I know it hurt her to see me in so much pain, lost in my memories.'  
  
'If I do tell someone the real reason, I'll have to go see Dr. Kadowaki. She is a nice person, but I hate doctors, ever since that memory resurfaced. I can't stand being around Infirmaries, or doctors. I get scared that if I go into one I may never come back out, and that thought scares me more than anything else, the possibility that they could find something so wrong with me that I wouldn't be allowed or able to leave…'  
  
*Flashback*  
  
Selphie and I were sat in her dorm, joking around, when something she said made one of my most painful memories resurface. I'm almost glad Siren took it form me, I just wish it hadn't had to resurface.  
  
It hit me hard, it hit me fast. One minute we were laughing and joking, next I remembered something from before the orphanage.  
  
I had been in my house with my parents, I can't picture them, and I was too young to pay much attention to that, about 4. Well I was in the kitchen with my mother playing, well I was playing she was cooking, but I can remember her laughing. Next thing I know there is an almighty bang from the next room. My mother seemed to know exactly what it was, as she took me and hid me in a cupboard saying to me,  
  
"Don't come out sweetie; promise me you won't come out."  
  
I just nodded dumbly at her, not having the faintest clue what was going on. She quickly shut to door to the cupboard and I heard very shortly afterwards muffles speaking, followed by a shriek form my mother and another loud bang. I wanted to open the door to the cupboard and look out, I so badly wanted to look out, but my mother had taught me from a young age if you promise to do something, no matter what don't break it. So I sat in the cupboard, I sat and waited until I heard more noises from out side the cupboard, and then suddenly it was wrenched open and someone said,  
  
"Oh Hyne, there is a child in here."  
  
I didn't recognise the man, but I asked where my mother was, he didn't say anything to me, only looked sadly at his companions, and said,  
  
"Poor fellow, an orphan now, I guess the only thing to do is to send him to the orphanage."  
  
I didn't know what one of those was or what an orphan was, but I was first take to what I presume was a hospital which I saw my parents being wheeled into, only they never came out to get me. I was taken away, by matron, to the orphanage, and I realised I would never see my parents again. And I couldn't remember what they looked like in the first place; I'd never paid enough attention. I was scared when I got to the orphanage, I didn't know any of the other kids.  
  
The sorceress killed my parents, killed them for no reason other than she was massacring the village. She made me an orphan just because she wanted to show her power. She killed other children's parents too, she killed other children. I was the only survivor.  
  
The image of my parents going into the hospital, never to return, haunts me now. I always wondered why I was scared of the Infirmary first at Galbadia Garden, and now here. I couldn't understand it. Now I do, I guess even subconsciously it never left me.  
  
I 'woke' from the memory to find Selphie holding me, I was shaking and crying. The memory was so dreadful it effected me as I was reliving it. And I scared Selphie. I never want to do that again. She didn't know what to do at the time, so she sat and held me. I wouldn't stop crying, crying for my parents, crying for myself. We sat for hours; she rocked me and held me, whispering in my ear trying to calm me. I felt so vulnerable and she seemed so pained by it. I fell asleep in her arms that night…  
  
*End Flashback*  
  
'It felt so right that night, I felt so loved. It made me feel warm inside. I loved being held by her, but I caused her too much pain by being like that. So I can't do it again. I can't let her be hurt by me again…'  
  
"Ir… Irvine…?"  
  
Irvine looks up to see Selphie, standing at the end of the corridor, staring at him, a look of disbelief on her face.  
  
"Is it … really you Irvine …?"  
"Yeah Selph, it's me."  
"You came to see … me …?"  
"Yeah, Selph, I did."  
"I haven't seen you in so long …"  
"I'm here now."  
  
Selphie doesn't say anything more. Instead she starts walking towards Irvine, slowly at first, but soon ends up running towards Irvine, throwing herself into his arms. She buries her head against his shoulder, silent sobs wracking her body. She doesn't see the look of intense pain cross his face, and doesn't fell his legs start to buckle.  
  
'Need … to … sit down … right … now.'  
  
"Selphie … can we … go … into … your … dorm … please … now?"  
  
She looks up at him, with concern filled eyes, obviously about to ask what is wrong, but on seeing the look of intense pain in his eyes forgoes the question and runs to her door and taps in her key code. She looks round at Irvine.  
  
'So … much … pain. Need to … sit … but first … have to … walk. Unh … pain … burning …'  
  
He takes a couple of faltering steps, reaching out in vain for the wall. Selphie quickly runs to his side and ducks under his outstretched right arm. Standing up fully, so that he is leaning on her, not fully, but quite a lot of his weight is on her. She wraps her left arm round his back and helps him into her room. He ends up putting most of his weight on her, as the pain in his back is so intense.  
  
"Irvine, what's wrong?"  
"Need to … sit … lie down …" he says through gritted teeth.  
  
She takes as much of his weight as she can, guiding him over to the sofa as it is nearer than the bed. She grabs a cushion and places it over the arm of the sofa before allowing Irvine to lie down. As he lies down his hat falls from his head, tumbling to the floor. He grits his teeth as his back comes into contact with the sofa, even though it isn't hard.  
  
"Irvine … what shall I do? Shall I get Dr. Kadowaki…?  
_"No, don't get her…"  
  
_'I don't want … her to … unh … leave me … but … help.'  
  
"Selphie … get … Squall … please."  
"Squall? Why him?"  
"Please … just get … him …"  
"O… ok," she says as she gets up to leave.  
  
'Please … hurry Selph …'  
  
Irvine's head lolls to one side as he slips into unconsciousness.


	6. Chapter 6

'Squall … where are you? I need to find you. Irvine's asked for you … yet I don't know why. Where would you be? Your dorm I guess that or your office. Why do they seem so far away when I want to get with them quickly? I don't like the fact that I have left Irvine alone as it is, I'm worried about him, he means the world to me, yet I've left him alone, and I wish I hadn't.'  
  
Selphie skids round the corner of the corridor and runs smack bang into the person walking round the corner towards her.  
  
"I-I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm just in such a rush … I"  
"Selphie what's wrong?"  
"S-Squall?"  
  
Selphie looks up from her position on the floor. Squall is standing over her similar to when she first arrived at Balamb Garden. Tears start to stream down her face.  
  
"Selphie, what is wrong?"  
"Squall, i-it's Ir-Irvine. I-I don't know w-what's w-wrong with h-him. But h-he asked m-me to g-get you."  
"Why what's happened?"  
"Just p-please come."  
  
She gets up from her position on the floor, not waiting for an answer; she grabs his hand and pulls him towards her dorm. Squall puts up some resistance, and Selphie shouts at his desperately,  
  
"_Please Squall_."  
  
Squall gives in and follows her to her dorm and what is ready for him within. She is pulling desperately on his arm but he won't give in to her pulling.  
  
"Please hurry Squall, I don't like the fact that I have left him alone as it is, I'm really worried."  
"Calm down Selphie. Tell me what's wrong and I'll see if I can help."  
"He asked for you, so you must be able to help."  
"But what's wrong?"  
"You'll see, now come _on_."  
  
*~*~*~*~  
  
'I'm sorry Rinoa, I want to spend time with you, I really do, but things are getting in the way. I will get to see you, I've just got to see what's wrong with Irvine, and possibly sort it out, then I'm coming to your dorm. I want to spend time with you, and you alone. I want to fall asleep with you in my arms, and wake up that way. I want … Oh Hyne …'  
  
Selphie runs over to Irvine's side and talks to him, trying to get him to wake up.  
  
"Irvine … Irvine … wake up. Why won't you wake up Irvine … you're not normally a heavy sleeper … so why won't you wake up?"  
"It's no use Selphie. He probably won't wake up for a while now."  
"A while? I know he probably feels closer to you and all-"  
"I'm sure that's not the case Selphie, he really loves you."  
"… Squall do you know what's … what's happened to him?"  
"I only know what he's told me."  
"Tell me … please … why was he in so much pain? And why is he now unconscious?"  
  
'Pain? I know nothing about pain.'  
  
"I only know what he's told me about why he keeps fainting. I don't know about any pain though. He never mentioned that."  
"What did he tell you?"  
"I found out this afternoon, when I found him in the Training Centre after I left you in the Cafeteria. I found him unconscious with a large Granaldo trying to eat him. I disposed of it and many other monsters before returning to my dorm with him. I learnt about his fear of the Infirmary while we were away on that bonding mission thing you lot roped me into. Well I put him on my bed and was about to go get Dr. Kadowaki when he regained consciousness. I wanted to get Dr. Kadowaki but he refused to let me, and told me what was wrong. Only obviously not all of it …"  
"What … what did he tell you? Hang on …"  
  
Selphie runs and grabs a chair for Squall, and a floor cushion for herself, and places the chair next to the sofa. The cushion she dumps on the floor at the end of the sofa near Irvine's head and sits on it. She keels on the cushion so she can gently stroke Irvine's hair, which she does as she listens to Squall talking. She releases his hair and gently strokes both his hair and his face, not willing to loose contact with him.  
  
"He told me, when he woke up, that he had been experiencing the black outs for six months now …"  
"Six months? But that's how long it's been since you …"  
"I know, and I feel so bad that this could be down to me. Anyway, he said they started off as short periods of time, the black outs I mean, holes of about 10 minutes in his memory, and didn't happened that often. As time went on though, they've been becoming more and more regular, and longer. Now I think he's been blacking out for hours at a time, and quite regularly too, I'm guessing from the fact he only woke up from the last one about …" he glances at his watch, "three hour ago."  
"How has he managed to hide this from us?"  
"I don't know, but I guess he knows when it will happen, possibly from the pain he experiences, so he makes sure no one is around."  
"Why didn't he come to one of us?"  
"To be honest Selphie, I don't know. I knew something was wrong last night when he came to my dorm."  
"He came to see you last night, but I came to see you and you said …"  
"I know Selphie, and I'm really sorry I lied to you, but he had been crying in my arms for two hours and had fallen asleep. I didn't want to disturb him, and I was worried. I wanted to talk to him again before he left."  
"Oh … ok. He was crying?"  
"Yeah, apparently he has been nearly every night, for a few months now."  
"A … few … months?"  
"Yeah. And now I don't care what he wants, I'm going to get Dr. Kadowaki. She needs to help him, and I don't care what he thinks or wants, it is for his own good. I know he is scared of the Infirmary, I don't know why though, but he needs help."  
  
With that he gets up to leave.  
  
"Squall is there anything I can do for him?"  
"I don't know Selphie, just be here for him I guess. He is going to need help getting through this as I think he is probably going to have to go into hospital."  
"Squall, can I tell him you'll be here for him too?"  
"… Yeah, I'll always be here for him …"  
"You two really bonded on that 'mission' didn't you?"  
"Yeah, I trust him, and I think he trusts me."  
"He trusts you Squall, he trusts you a lot."  
"Possible."  
"Squall you're a good friend to him you know that?"  
  
Squall doesn't say anything, just turns a little red, before he leaves for the Infirmary.  
  
*~*~*~*~  
  
Once he has left Selphie gets up from her position on the floor. She pushes Irvine over on the sofa slightly, so that there is space for her to lie down next to him. She gets onto the sofa and rests her head and her hand on his chest.  
  
'Irvine … Irvine, what's going on? Why didn't you come and see me or Squall sooner. We both care for you greatly, and it feels as if you were trying to push us away. What are you trying to hide from us? Are you trying to hurt me … or are you trying to protect me from something? Irvine, I love you so much, and after all those memories I've seen you relive I worry, so why won't you trust me?'  
  
She lies on his chest listening to his heart beat and his breathing. A single tear escapes her eye and splashes down onto his purple top as she lies there, waiting for Squall and Dr. Kadowaki's imminent return.  
  
*~*~*~*~  
  
Squall hurries to the Infirmary, anxious for Dr. Kadowaki to see Irvine and also because he wants to see Rinoa and get everything sorted.  
  
'I'm worried about Irvine. Ever since we went on that 'mission' I've cared about him deeply. I opened up to him then, let him in, so why won't he let me in? I mean I had to open up to him. They stranded me on the Serengetti Plains with Irvine and told us to talk. I eventually did, eventually … though it took me a while.'  
  
Squall arrives at the Infirmary at this point in time. Upon arriving he finds Dr. Kadowaki's assistant in the Infirmary and asks her,  
  
"Where's Dr Kadowaki?"  
"She's in her office …" Squall starts to walk past her and she says, "… but she said no-one was to disturb her. I can help instead … I am fully trained to handle most emergencies …"  
"Whatever," Squall says as he continues past her into Dr Kadowaki's office.  
  
Dr. Kadowaki is sat in her office typing on her on her laptop. She looks up at Squall as he enters and asks;  
  
"Squall, what can I do for you?"  
"There's a problem."  
"Ok, sit down and tell me about it."  
"Not with me, with Irvine."  
"Oh is he ill?"  
"Seriously I think."  
"So why isn't he here?"  
"Well he's afraid of here and also he isn't able to be here. He is unconscious in Selphie's dorm."  
"Selphie's dorm, but why …"  
"I don't know the full details, but I'd appreciate it if you'd come and see him."  
"No problem. Let me just get my bag."  
  
She walks over and gets her bag from the corner of the room then follows Squall out of the Infirmary towards Selphie's dorm.  
  
They arrive after a few minutes and Squall presses the call button on the Key pad. After a few moments the door opens and they go inside.


	7. Chapter 7

Selphie is still lying next to Irvine when the door chime goes. She jumps up and checking that Irvine is still not awake, she goes to open the door. She lets Squall and Dr. Kadowaki into her dorm, and Dr. Kadowaki immediately goes over to Irvine. She checks his breathing and his pulse and then asks,  
  
"Ok … so tell me, what happened to him?"  
  
Squall and Selphie are stood a little away from the couch with Irvine on it, as if afraid to go any closer to Irvine. Selphie glances at Squall who only nods once and then she says,  
  
"Well I was returning to my dorm after lunch and I saw Irvine standing in front of my dorm. We exchanged a few words and at that time he seemed fine, but then I ran into his arms, only then he started saying he needed to lie down, speaking through gritted teeth and disjointedly. I could see he was in great pain; he flinched when I touched his back. He couldn't walk properly, I had to help him and even lying down seemed to pain him. He winced as his back touched the sofa. When he tried to walk he couldn't stand straight, and couldn't walk properly, only small shuffling steps. He slipped into unconsciousness fairly soon afterwards I think."  
"So why is Squall here?"  
"Irvine asked for him before he became unconscious, he knows more than I did."  
"Squall?"  
  
Squall sighs and says, while looking at the ground, unable to meet Dr. Kadowaki's piercing eyes,  
  
"I don't know more, just different things. He told me it's been happening for six months now, though I didn't know about the pain. He hid that from me. It's happened ever since the … accident, he's been blacking out more and more regularly and they've been getting longer and longer. The most recent one before this one was about three and a half hours."  
"Since the accident, hmmm, right. Selphie go and get Zell, we're gonna need his help in getting Irvine to the Infirmary."  
"I can carry him on my own Dr. I've had to do it twice now."  
"Not the way I want him carried, sorry Squall, but I need him kept in a certain position, and neither Selphie nor I are tall enough to do it correctly. Zell is about your height so he is needed."  
"You know what's wrong?" asks Selphie.  
"I think I do, but I hope to Hyne that I'm wrong. Now please go Selphie. Squall we may need Rinoa, could you fetch her please?"  
  
'Rinoa? Is it really that serious? What have I done to Irvine?'  
  
"Yeah, sure."  
  
He and Selphie leave her dorm in search of the two people they need.  
  
*~*~*~*~  
  
'I wonder how Rinoa can help. Is it really so serious that we need the most powerful magic user in all the Gardens? Oh Irvine … what have I done to you? I really didn't mean to injure you so badly that there would be repercussions. I really didn't mean to hurt you in the first place. I'm so sorry. This is probably all down to me, the one I trust most, well other than Rinoa, I have hurt the worst. The one I was forced into the 'mission' with. Irvine. I remember it so well … I'll never forget what he did for me then. Never forget it …  
  
*Flashback*  
  
I was tricked into going to the Serengetti Plains. Irvine too, though he knew about the plan to get me there. He knew we weren't sent there to rescue people. We I guess in some sense that was true. He was sent to rescue me. They wanted me to open up … I was still very closed off, even after the problem with Rinoa and I, I just wouldn't open up. Fear I guess. Irvine helped. But it took a while and it must have been hard on him as well. I never realised how selfish I was being until now. I guess the bit I remember the best was when I first allowed him in. We had been out there for four days. I had pretty much blanked him. But it was cold, and I was weakening under his pressure, though I tried to resist it for as long as I could. I couldn't take much more …  
  
"Squall why are you so cold to us?"  
"…"  
"Talk to me."  
"That would be admitting to weakness."  
"Squall please, let me in, let me help. I care about you, but you are hurting everyone by being like this. You hurt me, Rinoa, Selphie, Zell, Quistis; you even hurt yourself don't you? Come on, we all want to help, it is just that we felt you would probably open up to me best, seeing as you already have."  
"…"  
"Squall I want to help you."  
"… I never opened up."  
"You did. By showing me your tears, you let me in. You shed tears over me, and now I want to help."  
"…"  
  
Irvine moved over closer to me. I could feel the heat from his body. It was … welcoming. I had felt so alone for so long, but it was Irvine, yes my first friend, but I didn't know how to open up to him, didn't know what to say. Didn't know how to let him in, so he could understand.  
  
He reached for my shoulders, but I flinched away.  
  
"Relax Squall; I'm only going to massage your shoulders. Even from the other side of the fire I can see that you are really tense. I only want to help. So relax."  
  
I let him work on my shoulders, but I didn't relax, or at least not to begin with. I had no intentions of ever doing so. But his fingers were just too damned clever. I relaxed without meaning to, before I realised what was happening. I let him in. he changed position once I relaxed. Changed so that I was sat between his legs as he worked on my back more. I relaxed more and more, unable to stop myself from leaning back into his touch, I ended up resting against his chest.  
  
"That's better Squall, relax, I'm here to help you. Let me do something for you, and you do something for me …"  
"… What?"  
"Talk to me, tell me your hope, you fears, just talk to me like a friend."  
"I … I don't know how."  
"Sure you do, you're just out of practice, just try."  
"O … ok."  
  
I was sat between his legs, leaning on his chest, his arms round me waist, but I was either so relaxed, or so tired I didn't mind. I was happy to sit there like that. I felt close to him. he asked me to talk, so I did, I wasn't very good at talking, but Irvine persevered with me, and I let him in, and over the next few days, it got easier. He helped me, showed me how to show others I care. He taught me again. Helped me be comfortable with a hug, and, which I almost found the hardest thing, to trust. By the end of the second week, I was happy to sit and talk to him, to hug him, even to touch his hair, though I was done tentatively. His was so soft and silk like. He helped me so much over that time. I felt so close to him, in nothing other than a friendship way. And then he said I was ready to come back, and I was scared. Scared I couldn't deal with this here. Scared I could only show it to him, and not Rinoa, whom I so desperately wanted to show it to. I was more open, more vulnerable, but he stayed close to me when we got back, and when we rejoined Rinoa, he smiled at me, letting me know it was ok. She was amazed at the difference, I mean I walked up and hugged her, something I hadn't done before, and she cried.  
  
*End Flashback*  
  
'I owe Irvine a lot, he needs mine, and everyone else's support and love. We can't leave him alone at this time, he needs us whether he can admit it or not. The same as me, I couldn't admit it, and I'm not sure he can either.'  
  
'Ah Rinoa's dorm.'  
  
Squall presses the call button on Rinoa's key pad.  
  
'I'm so glad I decided to have these installed. No more banging on doors, announcing your presence to everyone in the hall.'  
  
Rinoa's door opens to reveal here there trying to stifle a yawn. Her eyes light up when she sees it is Squall standing on the threshold of her door. She has on her clothes but not her boots.  
  
"Oh, Squall, you came to see me."  
  
He doesn't say anything just moves towards her, embracing her in a hug which she eagerly returns.  
  
'She definitely feels right in my arms, she just seems to mould correctly into my body, Irvine is ok to hug, but Rinoa sure feels better. Warm and soft, and just how she should feel. I can't believe at one point in time I wouldn't hug her, I like it now, I … enjoy it.'  
  
"You smell of sleep Rinoa."  
"You woke me up! And is that a complement, or an insult?"  
"Neither, it's just cute."  
"Aww."  
"I'm sorry Rinoa, this was meant to be a social call, but it isn't anymore. Something came up, something to do with Irvine."  
"Irvine? What's wrong with him?"  
"You'll see, we need you …"  
"Me? Ok let me just grab my shoes."  
  
She lets go of Squall but he won't let go of her. She looks up at him in confusion but on finding that she can't see his eyes she tucks his hair behind his ears, and gasps at what she sees. His grey eyes are swimming as he tries to blink back the tears that are threatening to spill down his face. His eyes are rather red rimmed though a tear hasn't yet managed to fall from his eyes.  
  
"Squall … Squall, its ok. Irvine will be fine. I'm sure Dr. Kadowaki can help him," she says as she hugs him again. Holding him tight in her arms.  
"It's my fault, it's all my fault," says Squall in a low voice.  
"You can't blame yourself for everything Squall. I'm sure it's not down to you."  
"It is, it's because I shot him."  
"What do you mean? What's happened to him?"  
"Come … see …"  
"Ok, but you've got to let me get my boots Squall, you're gonna have to let me go. I can't walk round Garden with out my boots, even though I will be with you."  
  
Squall reluctantly lets her go, his arms fall to his side, and his shoulders shake as he tries to get his emotions under control. He has his arms wrapped round his chest, holding himself, missing Rinoa.  
  
'Rinoa, come back. I need something to hold onto, need you back. I don't want to be alone right now. I want to hold you, to be help back. Rinoa …'  
  
Rinoa grabs her boots and pulls them on quickly before running back to Squall. He is almost back in control of himself. She puts her hand of his cheek, which he leans into, and she reaches up to kiss him. Not forcibly, but gently, coaxing his mouth to give response. He other hand moves to the back of his head, entwining her fingers in his long chocolate colored hair. She brushes her tongue along his bottom lip, in a request to deepen the kiss. Before allowing her, he removes his arms from round himself, his right arm moves to the back of her head, the left, to round her waist. He then allows her to deepen the kiss, his tongue meeting hers, weaving the complicated dance of response on counter response.  
  
He pulls away after a few moments, and Rinoa opens her eyes and says,  
  
"Ok now? Let's go see Irvine in the Infirmary and see what I can do to help."  
"Selphie"  
"Huh? What about her sweetie? Doesn't she know yet?"  
"No, she knows. I mean Selphie's dorm, that's where Irvine is."  
"Well color me confused."  
  
The corners of his mouth curve slightly, in what is classed in Squall's books as a smile, and Rinoa says,  
  
"I knew that would make you smile."  
  
She smiles back at him then she reaches up and gives him a quick kiss before taking his hand in hers and saying gently to him,  
  
"Come on; let's see how I can help."  
  
They walk hand in hand towards Selphie's dorm to help as best as they can.


	8. Chapter 8

Selphie races through the corridors to Zell's dorm anxious to get to Zell's dorm to find him and to get back to Irvine. She arrives at Zell's dorm and pounds on the door, forgetting completely about the door chime in her rush to find Zell.  
  
"Zell, Zell open the door."  
  
She suddenly remembers the door chime and presses it, waiting anxiously for the response, dancing from one foot to the other.  
  
'Come on, come on Zell, don't even think about not being in your dorm, now isn't a good time to be elsewhere. I need to find you; more to the point Irvine needs your help. And you chose now to get a social life. Hyne, where would you be, where would you be? Erm … Cafeteria! Yeah that's gotta be it. Where else would you be other than eating those hot dogs.'  
  
She leaves Zell's dorm, running for the Cafeteria, dodging all the students milling round.  
  
"Please be in the Cafeteria Zell … _Please_"  
  
She runs into the Cafeteria stopping just inside it, bent double, trying to regain her breath. Quistis sees her enter from her position and rushes over.  
  
"Selphie, what's with the hurry?"  
"Where's … Zell …?"  
"He left about ten minutes ago."  
"… damn."  
"I think he said he was going to the Library."  
"Thanks."   
"What's going on Selphie?"  
  
Selphie doesn't respond as she straightens up, still slightly out of breath, and runs out of the Cafeteria heading for the Library, dodging students again.  
  
'You've got to still be in the Library Zell, or I'm gonna kill you, after you help Irvine that is …"  
  
*~*~*~*~  
  
'I've got to pluck up courage and talk to her some time, rather than just skulk about in here, pretending to read up about different martial arts … ooo that move looks interesting. And I think I could pull that off … ok so maybe I am researching too, but more glancing at her than actually reading …'  
  
He turns slightly so he can see more of the pig-tailed librarian.  
  
'She really is pretty, it's a pity she is only a cadet, though technically I'm not her instructor, I don't have her in any of my lectures, so I wouldn't actually be breaking any rules …'  
  
"_Zell_," shouts Selphie as she collapses on the floor in exhaustion.  
"Whoa … what?"  
"My … dorm … now …"  
"Erm this is a library, please be quiet," says the librarian.  
"_Shut up cadet_," blazes Selphie.  
"Calm down Selphie. She's only-"  
"Zell … my dorm …"  
"But what about Irvine?"  
"Not that way … now … go."  
"Ok, ok."  
  
Zell starts to leave but noticing that Selphie isn't following he stops.  
  
"Zell go."  
"But I don't know where your dorm is."  
  
Selphie sighs, but gets up from her position on the floor, and leaves the Library, running again, only this time much slower than she has been as she is tired. Zell breaks into a jog to match her pace.  
  
'I wonder what this is all about. What the problem is. Well I guess I'll find out soon enough. As soon as I get to Selphie's dorm.'  
  
*~*~*~*~  
  
Zell and Selphie arrive at her dorm just as Squall and Rinoa arrive.  
  
"Squall? Rinoa?" asks Zell.  
"Yeah, we're all needed," replies Squall.  
"Hang on am I the only one here who doesn't understand?" asks Zell.  
"I don't know what's going on fully. All I know is that Irvine is really in need of our help. And we have to give it to him," replies Rinoa.  
"Irvine? Ok what is going on?" asks Zell  
"Later, inside … now … help …" gasps Selphie  
"Ok Selphie, but we will have to explain to Zell sometime," says Squall  
"… will … but … not … now. Irvine … needs … help …"  
  
She taps in her key code and enters her dorm, everyone else follows her. She collapses on the floor cushion breathing hard, checking on Irvine while she regains her breath. She strokes his hair and his cheek, while looking at him with a look of intense concentration on her face.  
  
"Selphie, you needn't have pushed yourself so hard, Irvine isn't going anywhere," says Dr. Kadowaki.  
"I know but I wanted to be near him, and also you scare him. I want to be with him when he wakes up, so he doesn't get too scared," replies Selphie.  
  
"Well since everyone is here we can now move him. Rinoa I'll talk to you when we get to the Infirmary. Squall, Zell, I want you two to carry him, as you are roughly the same height. I need you to carry him on your shoulders, this will keep his back fairly straight which I what I need. We could get a trolley for him, but the corridors are likely to be fairly crowded right now, so I think that will just cause added delays."  
"Dr. Kadowaki do you want me to cast float on Irvine to make it easier for Squall and Zell, they'd only have to guide him through the corridors," asks Rinoa.  
"Will it last until we get to the Infirmary?"  
"It should do, but Squall and Zell would be ready to catch him if it did wear off."  
"If that does happen that could worsen the situation … hmm … well Squall, Zell, it's up to you. You can either carry him as he is, or Rinoa can cast float on him. Which would you prefer?" asks Dr. Kadowaki.

"I'd prefer to carry him, rather than risking further injury if the float did wear off. I'm sure we can manage him can't we Zell?" asks Squall.

"Hang on. What is going on? I get that Irvine is unconscious; I can see that, but why? When?" asks Zell.  
"We don't know why Zell, but we'll tell you when later. Right now he _needs_ our help, so carry him to the Infirmary," says Selphie.  
"Ok, ok. Well Squall, I'm sure we can manage to carry him."  
"Ok then, let's get going then Zell."  
  
Squall and Zell first move the sofa away from the wall, so that they can get either side of Irvine. Squall takes the open side of the sofa and Zell takes the back side. Squall crouches down, getting Irvine's left arm over his shoulder and starts to lift him.  
  
"Selphie, help them by making sure that Irvine's back doesn't get twisted. Support his back from where you are," says Dr. Kadowaki.  
  
She takes some of Irvine's weight off Squall, until they've lifted him Irvine enough that Zell can get under Irvine's right arm and take the weight off Selphie. Squall and Zell then stand up fully, Irvine between them. Irvine's head rolls forward and his hair drapes over it, obscuring his features. Squall and Zell wrap their free arms round Irvine's back to help keep it in the correct position.  
  
"Selphie, Rinoa, push the sofa out of the way so Irvine is no longer resting on it," says Dr. Kadowaki.  
  
They do this quickly and Irvine's feet end up dragging on the ground as he is taller than both Squall and Zell.  
  
"Right are you ready to move?" asks Dr. Kadowaki.  
  
Both boys nod once in agreement.  
  
"Right, Rinoa, Selphie go ahead of us, clear the corridors so that we can get through with Irvine easily."  
"Ok," they both say in unison.  
  
They leave the dorm, followed by Squall, Zell, and the unconscious Irvine, and Dr. Kadowaki leaves last after picking up her bag.  
  
*~*~*~*~  
  
'Irvine, you feel so light like this, unlike when I carry you on my own.'  
  
"You ok Zell?"  
"Yeah fine, he seems really light unlike some …"  
"Irvine's taller than you; this means you took most of my weight. Like this we are pretty much sharing his weight equally so he feels light. He doesn't feel so light when you carry him on your own."  
"I guess."  
  
'Irvine, you've got to be ok. I hadn't realised how much I need you, until I see you like this. Even though you don't realise it, you help me in social situations, I only have to look over to you, not necessarily meet your eye, and I realise I know how I should be round people. Unconsciously you let me know I'm doing it right. I can't stand the thought that I may never see you about Garden again. I'm so sorry that this is down to me, I never meant to cause you any trouble; let alone pain. Or Selphie for that matter. I'm just messing everything up right now. Hurting everyone, the people I care about the most.'  
  
"Zell, Squall, put him on the bed in there please, on his back please. I'm assuming that was the most comfortable position for him as that's how he chose to lie in Selphie's dorm. Selphie you can sit in there with him if you want. Rinoa, come into my office, I need to talk to you and explain why I need your help," says Dr. Kadowaki.  
  
Squall and Zell carry Irvine over to the bed and gently lay him down on the bed. Selphie follows them in and once they lay Irvine down, she busies herself with trying to make him comfortable. She makes sure the pillows are under his head properly and she smoothes out his hair, removing it from his face which is where most of it has ended up.  
  
'Irvine, what can I do to help? I caused all this to happen, yet I don't' know how to sort it out, or what to do to help. I've already done what you asked me not to do. It's my fault you are here, and I know you can't stand it here …'  
  
"Squall," Zell whispers urgently while tugging on Squall's sleeve.  
"Hmm … what?" he replied in a hushed tone.  
"We should go."  
"Wha …? Why?"  
"Come on," says Zell as he gestures towards Selphie and Irvine. "They should be alone."  
  
Squall leaves the room though somewhat reluctantly. He sees through the window Selphie get up from the chair and lye down on the bed next to Irvine, resting her head and right hand on his chest, and putting her left arm over him.  
  
'Irvine, I know it's only been an hour, but please, wake up. I'd worry less if you were conscious. Mind you from your point of view it is probably better that you are unconscious and don't know what is going on. And for tests it maybe easier if you are unconscious.'  
  
'I wonder what Dr. Kadowaki has been saying to Rinoa. They've been in her office a while now. I wonder what Rinoa has to do to help Dr. Kadowaki find out what is wrong with Irvine. What I've done to him …'  
  
At this moment, Rinoa walks out of Dr. Kadowaki's office closely followed by Dr. Kadowaki herself. They stop near Squall who is still standing by the window looking in on Irvine and Selphie. Zell is sat in the chair behind the receptionist desk, spinning round on it slowly.  
  
"So … are you guys gonna tell me what's going on then?" asks Zell.  
"Yeah, it would be nice to hear the full story," says Rinoa as she slips her hand into Squall's. Squall looks first at their hands then to Rinoa but doesn't say anything.  
"Squall I think that it would be best if you answered this one," says Dr. Kadowaki.  
  
He sighs, and after sitting down on one of the vacant chairs he starts to talk. Rinoa sits next to him, never removing her hand from his. She gently traces his fingers with her other hand as he talks.  
  
"Well it all started last night, or rather, that's the first I knew of a problem. He came to my dorm at about 8pm while I was writing reports. We sat, in silence for over an hour. Eventually he started to talk to me, but it was only a couple of sentences, and he tried to leave, and I would have let him had it not been for one thing I would have missed had I not been looking carefully …"  
"What was it Squall?" asks Rinoa, pushing him gently to talk.  
  
'I'm sorry Irvine, but they need to know.'  
  
"… the fact he was crying. Well he wasn't quite at that point, only a couple of tears, but it was enough for me to realise I couldn't allow him to leave, to be alone …" 'It was enough for me to realise he was begging for my help. Not with words, but with the fact he had come to me and was showing me he was upset.'  
  
Rinoa squeezes Squall's hand bringing him out of his thoughts.  
  
"Sorry. He stayed in my dorm that night after he had finished crying. And this morning I tried to get him to talk about what was wrong, but he wouldn't tell me. well after I left you two in the Cafeteria I went first into Irvine's dorm, but on finding that empty and Exeter missing from it's case I went to look for Irvine where he told me he was gonna go this morning, to the Training Centre. I found him there, unconscious with a large Granaldo considering eating him. I got him out of the Training Centre and I know I should have brought him here, but instead I took him to my dorm as I know he is scared of here, yet comfortable in my dorm. I don't know why he is scared of here though …"  
"I do," says Selphie.  
"Selphie, how long you been standing there?" asks Rinoa.  
"Long enough."  
"Is there any change?" asks Zell.  
  
Selphie shakes her head as she slumps down against the door frame hugging her knees.  
  
"Selphie, are you ok?" asks Rinoa.  
  
She nods her head even though her eyes are rather red rimmed. Rinoa lets it go and Zell asks,  
  
"So why is he scared of here?"  
"I can't say, that's for him to tell you if he wants to, but I won't betray him and his memories like that. Ask him yourself when he wakes up Zell. Squall, please continue."  
"Erm, yeah. He woke up soon after I got him into my dorm and onto my bed again. I questioned him again and this time I refused to let him go without answering me. I was possibly a little hard on him in that respect, but I felt he needed to talk and would feel better for it. I just had to get him talking. He told me he's been blacking out for six months now, ever since I shot him, and that the period of time has been increasing each time. After he told me this I wanted him to come down here, but he refused vehemently, so I told him to at least go and see Selphie which I guess he did, only not quite straight away. Selphie do you want to tell the rest? You know better than me what happened next."  
"Ok, well I was returning to my dorm after lunch and after my detour to the Quad to see how decorations are coming along, and found Irvine outside my dorm. We talked for a few minutes, then I ran and hugged him, and I guess that triggered this whole thing off. He complained of an intense pain in his back and had to lye down it was so bad. He asked me to get Squall just before he blacked out. I found Squall who told me what he's just told you all. And then he got Dr. Kadowaki. And that's how we all got here."  
"It's all my fault isn't it Dr. Kadowaki?" asks Squall after a few minutes while looking at the ground. He has been doing so for the past few minutes.  
"Partly, but it is more mine than yours," Dr. Kadowaki says, "do you want to sit on a chair Selphie before I begin my explanation?"  
  
Selphie nods and gets up from the floor, sitting in the only remaining chair before Dr. Kadowaki begins her explanation.


End file.
